Hazy

by Nightjar

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1.
Hazy 02:29
2.
Do I dare; sit and wait, or descend the stairs? I need to know how long it'll take for me to outgrow all my hopes. I would crumble next to you, and a sink hole would consume you. Why should I try if your love will only fade down the line? She'll always go, so please stop talking of Michelangelo. You won't pull me through. You won't hold me the way I need you to.
3.
Frog 03:50
I'm looking for something to defeat all the anger that's grown inside me. I want to believe that I won't capsize the dream, but maybe it's not for me. Don't let the frogs start leaping through. They must never leap out of the well, they will be safe in their own hell. I want the echoes to remain beneath. Sound must never leave the narrow hole. Sound must never reach another soul easily. I feel that something’s cornered me, but I feel a strange security. There's a comfort in not knowing, when you know that trying leads to failing. I feel the patterns begin to fade as I leap from this hole out into the cold. I feel the corners begin to round and I will fail.
4.
Pulphead 04:56
I've come to know life through wondering if there’s any point to it? The troublesome question just doesn’t go away, it lands in your consciousness, and ripples out spirals outward and downward simultaneously, and it takes ahold and overwhelms me. I'm not sure how clear I can be, but there’s a darkness that has surrounded me. And, I've been trudging along following a thread left at my feet, sinking deep into uncertainty. It's been like catching a signal through a kaleidoscope, and pinned to that light are all my hopes. Doubt, fear, and instability envelopes me, but still I imagine there’s something more. Not necessarily a god or a supreme being. Is there a faith that keeps me from unraveling? A kind of brotherhood or just a string theory that keeps me calm and from always wondering: Which side of the wall do I belong, that draws the line between right and wrong? Because I have such love that's been burning in my chest that I want so badly to put to rest. I do believe there’s meaning I have yet accounted for, but at most it matters less than the ones infused. At a different angle one can see the tangle I ensue. I've been sinking stones that I've tried to skip, but I've overthrown. I’m lobbing rocks into water because so much is unclear to me. I'll start by following through, and I'll pull the weeds that over grew. Keep moving forward to some kind of clarity, but what if I follow the line until I'm lodged in a ball of twine? I wish what I'm supposed to do could be more clear to me.
5.
Sometimes it all just seems to stand still, like they skipped your number and you're left forgotten in a waiting room, and somebody is always saying to just give it time. But, I worry the future will hold nothing for me. Should I arrive to something long preparing and forming, will all the effort even be worth it? The pain subsides, the circuit's fried, and I feel dead on the inside. I don't know if what I felt for you I could feel towards anybody else. I have dreamed of the purpose in the known life, to decide identity to the unknown and permanent. Although time is moving past nothing and eroding, I am walking pleasantly and mindlessly to the end.
6.
10:04 03:53
Been stuck on a feeling, that’s nonexistent except in a memory. It burst into the cosmos, as I burst into nothing. On a different timeline, I imagine things would have worked out fine. So rip open a wormhole and let that reality invade my own. Pull me through. I’ve emerged from imulsion to a parallel universe, but an artifact linking my world to hers. She destroys the almanac, begin oscillating between the two. My pantheon crumbles into the limbo I've descended into.
7.
Dunwich 05:11
Your corner isn't safe anymore. We are not in control anymore, despite one trying to protest. Who will survive and what will be left? I can't recall the point anymore to fight to regain what’s been lost before. You’ve only been breathing loudly through the floorboards. You should know that you won't break loose when they can afford to lose more than they’ll ever use. Anger oozes deep in your core through a withered ego that’s been bruised and sore. You're just a lamb to the slaughter. Don't even bother. Drink from their saucer. Consume their offer. Hatred and violence begins to pour like sour milk that spilt on the floor. So let's change in the nether now altogether. Stripped of your leather, face the terror. I don't feel a thing anymore. They took my body just like yours. As morality loses it’s precedence, we'll be crowding into the lambent. They can see through you. They know that you're a cannibal too. You’ve been absorbed into the mold, processed, shipped, bought, then oversold. You're a titan of industry, all consuming and always hungry. Only those of purity should take control or cast the first stone, but me I'm not able.
8.
Hopelessly in the first dream, we both walked away from the lip of the well. It all went to hell as what we had fell into the deep. The bucket rose clanging against the brick carrying a love suspended in the mist. Must pass through time, or through the great divide if I'm to hear that sound again with you. But, I was swept from the earth by faint memory as I found a bobby pin where you once laid half asleep, I think you could come back if you want to. I could meet you at the garden if the daffodils begin to bloom. Won't wait too long because I know it's wrong to expect it’s something that you'd want too. But after all the downfall, this feeling's only floating. Stuck in a dream keep me asleep cascading deep into a well of tranquility. You’re everything and the only thing I need. I've seen that nothing good is to come as I'm staring through the haze. I've seen that nothing good is to come, but still I must wait.
9.
10.
Mildew 05:26
I’ve been repressing sorrow, at least it’s been enough to swallow. I haven’t slept well in weeks. I’m thinning out, been hearing voices humming at me. “I wanna take you deep beneath the bottom and leave without you.” I think I fell into, deep into a well of mildew, where everyone has seen me lose, struggle, and fail indefinitely. And, I’ve had enough, I’m overwhelmed and fucked up. Can’t seem to keep things clean, so much worry and guilt has been weighing on me. I envy those that have surpassed me. Why do they get to sleep? The weight has been adding up. Digressing repressing so senselessly. I’ve been aiding woe. The well has overflowed, and I sink down deep all alone. My shadow archetype scheming beneath me, and it’s been gaining on me. I may have said too much. I’ve fallen behind and I’m beginning to rush. And, If you need me, look for me at the bottom drowning infinitely.
11.
Failure 05:06
Do you not hear that I've been calling? Do you not see me in the room? What's been wrong with you girl? You need love that stresses feeling looking past what I've done for you, and now your love is fading. I'd like to know why I can't hold you. I'd like to know what's keeping me from you. And, I miss you, and I still need you. As I'm struggling to find the words, I sit here quietly, and now you're leaving me. I really feel as though I'm failing I'm left behind and I'm straggling, and no one remembers to stay back for me. Live in my head all alone, safe and sound, but just for now. Fuck the wheel, recalibrate, sleep away the recurring ache.

credits

released July 9, 2018

Recorded and mixed in our basement in Philadelphia from December 2017 through May 2018.

Mastered by Bill Henderson at Azimuth Mastering

"Heavy Water/I'd Rather Be Sleeping" written by Grouper

The cover art is "advice" by Bob May (society6.com/recombiner).

Josh Pulka - vocals, guitar, bass, harmonica, synthesizer, floor tom, trumpet, melodica
David Dean - drums, bass, shaker, tambourine, cowbell, sound effects

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Nightjar Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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